Hong Kong

Hong Kong
And the embers never fade in your city by the lake.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

"If you wan' get drunk, get drunk. If you wan' jump in da pool nekked, jump in dat bitch nekked."

We went to Macau last weekend for 2 nights. Macau is one of the 2 SARs (Special Administrative Properties) in the People's Republic of China, the other being Hong Kong. It's basically Vegas: bright lights, gambling, excessive alcohol consumption, strippers, you know the deal.

We took the ferry from Hong Kong Island to Macau at 7 pm Friday night. We had planned on leaving at noon, but we were all so hungover from Beau's birthday celebration the night before that none of us were even awake at that time.

We arrived in Macau around 8 pm and got to our hotel, The Grand Waldo a bit after. We had to go through customs, which is always a pain, especially since they never think it's me in my passport picture. When my picture was taken I had to have weighed 30 pounds less, look 14 years of age, and am not smiling...which I always am.

We had a complementary dinner at the hotel, consisting of seafood salad, scallops, shark soup, and lamb shank. I had to make do since my breakfast and lunch consisted of 12 Ritz cheese crackers, and that was it.

That night I also played my first game of Roulette. I lost about 30 US dollars. I decided from that moment on I would never gamble again. I definitely would rather spend that money on alcohol and sex toys.

The next day our group headed to the Macau Tower for our bungee jumping experience!! aka the reason why we went to Macau in the first place. At 233 meters, the Macau Tower's bungee jump from the tower's outer rim is the highest commercial bungee jump in the world.

We took the elevator to the observation deck at the top of the tower and prepped for the jump. The "jump-masters" gave us our 'free' t-shirts and strapped us in our harnesses. If you've ever climbed a rock-climbing wall or anything similar, you know how these harnesses work. If you're a girl, it feels like a constant orgasm, as the strap falls right on your...(*cue Seinfeld reference: it rhymes with Delores). If you're a guy, the strap crushes your ball-sack and you are in constant pain. For once, I was happy that I was a girl. (99 times out of 100, it is better to be a guy. No one can argue with that. And if you're a guy and want to argue, shut the fuck up you're not the one that has to sacrifice your body for pregnancy later.)



The boys were all extremely uncomfortable, but as soon as they watched a man doing the jump, they completely forgot that their balls' circulation were being cut off and they began to shit their pants. Myself, on the other hand, besides for getting off to the strap on my harness, was not scared at all. I'm a little sick in the head when it comes to dare-devilish activities. I...don't...fear....death? I was just very excited.

After a few shed tears and all the boys performed their jump, it was my turn. (I volunteered to go last because everyone else was too much of a pussy to be left on the platform alone.) The free-fall was the most amazing feeling I have ever experienced, and I honestly may go again while I'm here.

That night, we all went to the Venetian so Hamza could continue his gambling winning-streak (he had earned 700 US dollars thus far in the trip). After Hamza bought us a bottle of Smirnoff in the food court (weird, right?) and we finished dinner, Ryan, Matt, Keith, and I headed to a club downtown called D2.

The club was cool but the best part were the cheesy dancers on the stage. A group of maybe 8 hot asian girls in bras and underwear were hired to dance like dumb sluts, so that obviously went over well with the guys. These dancers got off the stage only to be followed by the Head Whore In Charge and her two NSync-wannabe male dancers. This girl had the sickest body I've ever seen but her face was so fugly.

Her face was Janice Dickinson's plastic-surgery-infected cheek-bones and mouth, with Amy Winehouse's thick cat-eye eyeliner, with the browbone of a GEICO caveman. Needless to say, she was BEAT. I'm sure every guy in the club would've boned her right then and there though. All the attention was focused on her and the Nick Lacheys and every girl in the club looked so pissed.

aaand that's Macau for you!

Check out the video of me bungee jumping below!

Keep it skanky.

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